If you've just lost someone, the hardest part is that the world keeps moving while you can't. Phone calls have to be made, paperwork signed, decisions taken — and you're not in any state to do any of it. This guide walks you through the practical steps of arranging a funeral in the UK, calmly, in the order they actually need to happen. Take it slowly. Most things have more time than you might think.
1. The first 24 hours
Get a doctor or paramedic to verify the death — at home, in hospital, or wherever it happened. They'll issue a Medical Certificate of Cause of Death. If the death is unexpected or referred to the coroner, this can take a few extra days; that's normal and not a sign of anything wrong.
If your loved one is at home, you don't have to move them straight away. A funeral director can usually arrange collection within a few hours, day or night. There's no rush.
Tell the people closest first
Immediate family, the closest friends, and anyone who needs to know before the news travels further. Most people find that two or three short phone calls is the most they can manage in the first day. That's enough.
2. Registering the death
This needs to be done within 5 days in England, Wales and Northern Ireland, and within 8 days in Scotland. You go to the local register office (book online — most areas need an appointment).
You'll need:
- The Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (the doctor will give this to you)
- The deceased's full name, date of birth, address, occupation
- If applicable, your relationship to them and your own contact details
You'll come away with a death certificate (you'll need several copies — about 5 is normal — for banks, pensions, insurance, etc.) and a green form for the funeral director.
3. Choosing a funeral director
You don't have to use the first one you call. Most independent funeral directors are family-run, have been in their area for generations, and are used to families who feel completely lost. Look for:
- Local recommendation — ask friends, your GP, or your faith leader
- Membership of NAFD or SAIF (the two main UK trade associations)
- Transparent pricing — they should give you an itemised written estimate before you commit to anything
- Whether they feel right when you talk to them. Trust this. You'll be working closely with them in a vulnerable moment.
You don't have to make any decisions on the first call. They'll come to you (or invite you in) and walk you through everything in person.
4. The decisions you'll be asked to make
The big ones, in roughly the order they come up:
- Burial or cremation. Sometimes the deceased made their wishes known; sometimes the family decides together. There's no wrong answer.
- Date and time. The funeral director and the crematorium or cemetery will work this out together — typically the funeral happens 1-3 weeks after the death, depending on availability and any post-mortem.
- Type of service. Religious (and which faith), civil, humanist, or no formal service at all. The funeral director can suggest a celebrant, vicar or priest if you don't already have one.
- Coffin. Wood, willow, cardboard, bamboo, painted, plain. Prices range from around £200 to several thousand. There's no "right" choice.
- Flowers, donations, music. Family flowers only? Donations to a charity in lieu? A favourite song instead of a hymn? These are personal touches that often matter more than the formal bits.
- Order of service. What's said, sung, read — and in what order. The celebrant or clergy will help shape this.
5. Letting people know
Once you've got a date, time and venue, the people who need to know expand quickly: extended family, work colleagues, neighbours, old friends, distant cousins. The traditional approach — a phone tree, plus a notice in the local paper — is a lot of effort at the worst possible time.
A modern alternative: a single online memorial page that holds all the details (service times, venue map, dress code, parking, donations link) and a place for people to leave messages. You share one link, on WhatsApp or Facebook or by text, and everyone has what they need. myfuneral.date exists for exactly this — it takes about five minutes to set up and gives you back the dozens of phone calls you'd otherwise be making.
6. The day itself
Eat something beforehand, even if you don't feel like it. Take tissues. Trust your funeral director — they've done this hundreds of times and they'll guide you through every moment, including the moments you don't realise you need guiding through.
People will say strange things. They will mean well. You don't have to perform. If you cry, that's right. If you laugh, that's right too.
7. The weeks after
The hardest stretch is often a couple of weeks after the funeral, when the practical urgency has passed and the world expects you to be "back to normal". Be very kind to yourself.
Practical things that can wait but eventually need doing: closing or transferring bank accounts, notifying pension providers and HMRC (the "Tell Us Once" service handles most government departments at the registry office in one go), insurance claims, returning passports and driving licences, sorting through belongings.
None of this is on a deadline. Take it in tiny pieces. Ask for help.
The shortest version
- Get the death verified, then registered (within 5 days)
- Phone a funeral director — they take it from there
- Make the big decisions one at a time, with their help
- Share details with friends and family one place rather than fifty
- Get through the day. Then be very gentle with yourself.
If you're not sure whether you're doing this right — you almost certainly are. Funeral directors and registrars are profoundly used to this; you can ask them anything, no matter how small, and they will not mind.